New Writer on Sister Wives (Blogcritics)

Last year I wrote about the TLC show <> Sister Wives each Sunday night for Blogcritics in their column TV Open Thread. This year, while I'd still like to write an article on this topic (polygamy revealed) occasionally, I have other writing projects on which I'd like to focus. Fortunately for me, a very interesting young woman named Sara, who has a site called http://www.polygrrl.com/, and lives in a committed polygamous relationship with three other women and one man, was willing to take over the column. She is much more in touch with the issues (so to speak) than I am :-), and I am very happy with the arrangement. I'll still write for Blogcritics on other issues, as well. Check out "Polygrrl's" blog. It is fascinating and I am amazed at the ease with which they all seem to make their arrangement work... there are no children yet which may make a difference, as they can be spontaneous in their interactions. But I like the fact that the women are friends and each person has his or her own space. My best wishes to them all. Ladybelle

Quote of the Day

“Polygamy: An endeavor to get more out of life than there is in it” Elbert Hubbard quotes (American editor, publisher and writer, 1856-1915)

Last of the Sister Wives (for this year)...

This year I've been writing a column on Sister Wives, a show about polygamy in Utah and Nevada, and the Brown family, who are being persecuted for their beliefs, for Blogcritics. org. This article first appeared there last night; it's the finale showing the Brown family getting settled down in Las Vegas, whence they have fled in order to avoid the husband, Kody's, going to jail for polygamy and bigamy. It's a big turmoil-filled event to the kids and everyone else… and though I am not a Mormon or Fundamentalist Mormon, I think that people should be able to choose their own love and life-style so long as it hurts no one else (especially kids). I appreciate the opportunity I've had from Blogcritics to publish there. Now that it's over for the summer-- this show-- I hope to be doing other writing, but have definitely enjoyed seeing this slice of odd Americana and following the growing closeness of the other wives through their pain at watching Kody marry his fourth, Robyn, a young and attractive woman who is about to have his baby now. Here it is-- as first published on Blogcritics: TV Open Thread: Sister Wives: “Sister Wives in the City of Sin.” Published on Blogcritics, June 5, 2011 By Ladybelle Fiske This one-hour episode centers around the Brown family’s change from Utah to Nevada. They are happy and relieved to arrive in the one-month rental house where they presently are staying; they are seeking homes for each wife. They must hurry and they also have only a few days before they put the children in school. Yet they (the adults, at least) are very much at peace. Kody: “We have just moved, and we have a lot of unpacking to do. There’s a lot of sunlight, and it’s 70 degrees. I feel like I’ve been born again. What a place to be born again, in Las Vegas!” Meri: “I really do feel at home here. Today we’re putting things away and trying to put things away in the house." Kody: “So it’s light and fluffy for little kids, who are in a vacation home, free and at peace for the adults-- the teenagers are still bitter right now.” The teens are angry that they are living in a vacation home, “out of suitcases.” Even though they know that their family could have been broken up, they are still resentful at having had to relocate. Some, particularly Mariah,plan to go back to Utah as soon as they can. While they are involved with practicalities, the episode's real center is Robyn's and Kody's decision to try to have a child. They aren't discussing it with the other wives, but one is sure that the feeling must be hanging in the air. Kody had wanted Robyn to have a baby much sooner, but the legal situation created too much stress, so she “just said no.” Kody, as ever, seems very pleased that he can show the world that all the women have choice in their lives, aren’t just being told what to do. Now they are in Nevada, Robyn feels safe, and they begin to try to have a child. The family makes finding a home for Robyn first, since her children had had to move a lot. There is a fair amount of confusion because the children all begin school at differing times and the children are accustomed to being able to take long showers, and so on. The teens say “I really don’t want to make friends with people here.” They don’t like Nevada and want to go home, but one can see the beginning of interest in a new way of life. Nevada has a different style of dress, and a whole new ethos-- one that worries the Brown wives. The girls want to wear less “modest” clothing, but with four “mothers” watching, they find it hard to get away with this. They want to wear what they wish… as Robyn says, “They are beautiful girls and they probably don’t realize what it means to boys when they have certain things showing-it’s a huge signal to boys. Because they’re gorgeous.” Robyn has the first house, and Janelle then finds the next. She is a bit ashamed and embarrassed to admit that she "wants" something, that it is important to her, but the other women back her up. As ever, there are problems. The women each want a perfect house, and to live near one another (oddly, there seems to be no thought of sharing a house - one house for two wives?) The family is worried about money, for they all lost their jobs when Utah faded in the rear- view mirror, yet no one wants to compromise. It's still Kody's dream that one day they will live in a big house, all together, though. Now they have two weeks left in the vacation home. The Browns are getting nervous about where they will go… “I can’t ask Meri or Christine to move to just any home down the street, when Janelle and Robyn have the homes they want.” Finally Christine finds a house. “See, God loves us.” She is happy. The houses are each several blocks from one another, which must be a change from living so close together, and recently all in the same house. Eventually, Robyn and Meri go back to Utah to get their things and pets; a painful trip, but one that helps to bind the two together. “I got to have the love of my life with Kody, but also got to have this really cool relationship with the sister wives.” Meri and Robyn discuss the closeness that has developed between them over the past year despite Meri's very honest, and uncontrollable, jealousy towards Robyn and Kody's relationship. And then Meri finds a house, big, beautiful, further away from the others; and unfortunately, expensive. Meri finally finds a home she wants to rent, about 10 days before the rental is up. One big problem: it’s over a mile from the other houses. But it's perfect for family gatherings. Meri realizes she can have the whole family over because it is such a big house; and one of the others says “I’m looking forward to having Thanksgiving in that house.” So Meri, at first feeling deprived and degraded because she has only one child-- always apparently a sign, at least in the past, of somehow being less important than other sisterwives, gets the house she wants-- Kody is overcome by the other wives and overcomes his own misgivings. Kody: “I had to take a chill pill, because Meri and Meriah- their rent will cost as much as the house for Christine or Janelle- for a much bigger family. So it was all about a conflict with myself, trying to justify the amount of money because I had another house, very cheap, right next to Robyn. You’re taking this personally? “Kody says to Meri, turning towards her as she wipes away tears. “I’d take it personally!” says Christine, ever the defender of her sister wives. Janelle says, “Logically, Meri knew she should have a smaller house, that cost less. She tried for 2 weeks, but … she deserved to have the home that was important to her!" Meri says, “I guess I feel that people don’t think I have the right to as many perks, because I have only one child… it doesn’t make sense for me to have a bigger house.” Robyn: “No one feels that way.” Kody: “I was being a jerk about it…” Robyn and Christine hold a block party, because they live on the same street. Kody is worried that someone will come to give them “some religious zeal” against polygamy, but they are determined to meet their neighbors. Kody talks about wanting to be able to trust their friends and to help and stand by them; and he seems relieved to find that no one is (at least outwardly) going to put them down. Kody voices this when he says, “We don’t know what they are really thinking.” One larger black man says, “This is between (Kody) and God. … If you want multiple women, it’s not love, it’s lust.” Robyn: “If this was about lust, prostitutes are cheaper than wives. Sorry.” She points out that it’s a tougher neighborhood than anything she’s used to. “I had to make myself not judge any of my neighbors…” Kody” All we want is to be able to do it (live as polygamists). Judge us- but let us do it.” The wives are each reacting in different ways to this new arrangement. Some like aloneness to have prayers and family time with their children, some prefer to be together with the other sister-wives. Kody is “scared” because it feels like a privilege to some of the wives to have more time alone; he worries that perhaps they don’t want to be with one another, and will, in the end, become more and more separate. Kody and Robyn begin to talk about his and Robyn’s secret. Now, (it must have happened on the trip to Nevada-in January- or shortly after), she will have a baby in October. Robyn and Kody seem like children in many ways; they are excited over sharing a personal, just-between-us secret. But Robyn, unlike Kody, realizes that it may not seem like so much “fun” to some of the other members of the family. “We have a bun in the oven!” as Kody puts it. Happy, eager, delighted, Robyn still sees that Meri, particularly, may feel hurt by this new change in their lives. “Her body won’t let her have more children; that is painful for her...Our relationship has improved over the last year... I want to go baby clothes shopping with her…Hopefuly everybody will be ok with it.” She makes an appointment to talk to Meri. The episode closes with Robyn going over to Meri’s house; Meri has not yet heard the news, and seems surprised at the just-about-to-be revealed secret. The previews of the show’s return in the fall shows that the Browns are not yet through with tension, anger, and struggle among one another… but then, whose family ever is? Article first published as TV Open Thread: Sister Wives Special - "Sister Wives in the City of Sin" on Blogcritics.

Sister Wives "Polygamist Party"

http://blogcritics.org/video/article/tv-review-sister-wives-polygamist-party/ Check out my most recent review of Sister Wives on TLC. The lights were out at QH last Sun and Mon (at least at my house) and I wasn't able to publish my review till now. Article first published as TV Review: Sister Wives - "Polygamist Party" on Blogcritics.

TV Open Thread: Sister Wives- "Carving into Polygamy”

My weekly column on Sister Wives, (TLC 9/8 Central) is up at "TV Open Thread" at  Blogcritics.org.
Join me and comment... what do you think about plural marriage in which only the man can have more than one partner?
I may post the full column here tomorrow.  Photo courtesy TLC/Discovery: The Brown Girls Gather Pumpkins...

www. blogcritics.org

And here's the article I wrote last night for BC:
The family celebrates Halloween this week as the Northern hemisphere wakes into springtime. Watching the Browns pick pumpkins for Halloween and paint the kids’ faces, one gets the feeling that this episode was created in part to give a sense portraying the normalcy Brown family’s lives. They speak of a police investigation going on—and their stress about it—but there is no explanation of what exactly is happening. There is a peculiar feeling of trying to have fun while dark clouds are gathering over them.
The family, to forget their problems, take the kids out for pizza (which they say they can’t usually afford to buy) and to pick pumpkins—a Jack O’ Lantern for each member of the family!
Five months after the wedding, it seems, the family is settling in together. "I like being a part of the family,”" says Aurora, Robyn’s oldest daughter. Meanwhile, one of the other little girls cries because another child pulled her hair. It seems the Brown kids have been raised to “knock it off and play” rather than cry, while Robyn’s kids are sensitive and easily upset—but they are getting accustomed to one another.
The family picks almost thirty greenish pumpkins (one of the kids saying pumpkins are never really orange, except in commercials). I want to say, “They are in Vermont, kids!”
The family loads the pumpkins into the cars, amazed by how many pumpkins they ended up buying. “With the Browns, it’s go big or go home,” they say.
“There are a lot of kids, but I don’t see it as an overwhelming responsibility—they’re just my kids,” says Robyn.
There is a little "very little talk" about the police and their legal problems. Janelle says she feels differently about police because of the investigation; the older kids, Meri says, are concerned about what is going on. They call the adults when they see a police car on the street. “I just want to forget about it for today,” says Janelle, “and have fun.”

They carve the pumpkins, and Kody pronounces them “very creative.” Again, the feeling is inescapable that there is little substance this week, though it is pleasant to see the children having a good time.
The Brown wives decide to dress as the four elements, earth, air, water, and fire; they want Kody to be “man, because he is powerless against the elements,” but he is offended by this and say "Oh yes, it’s so great to seem powerless in this family,” so they paint his face to represent the Sun instead (Christine rolls her eyes at his egotism).
There is some discussion of his being an “avatar” that controls the four elements, but Robyn insists, “He doesn’t control us.” In the end, Kristine is air, Meri fire, Janelle earth, and Robyn water, and Kody dresses as the sun—“corny,” the kids say.
The children enjoy trick-or-treating. “It’s fun to go trick or treating with a lot more brothers and sisters,” says one child. The emphasis is definitely on how well everyone is getting along and fitting in together. The three original wives seem to be adjusting to Robyn’s presence, and even Janelle, who last week seemed worried about finance and a little resentful, is clearly glad she’s there. “I couldn’t have asked for a better family,” Robyn says.

Read more: http://blogcritics.org/video/article/tv-open-thread-sister-wives-carving/page-2/#ixzz1IZFsbzA8

Photos Courtesy TLC/Discovery.   Article first published as TV Open Thread: Sister Wives - "Carving into Polygamy” on Blogcritics.
Brown family in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Just to make things clear...

I'm not interested in Polygamy per se. I am interested in all sorts of human relationships of one sort and another. 
The closeness among the women in a Polygamist family seems to be the best thing about it, and reminds me of relationships with my own "sister-wives" of yore.
I have nothing against it either as long as no one is being abused, and I wish families like the Browns well.
But I do believe that if multiple relations are available to one member of the family, by golly they should be available to all, or none!

TV OPEN THREAD on Blogcritics.org: SISTER WIVES, Season 2!

Article first published as <a href='http://blogcritics.org/video/article/tv-open-thread-sister-wives-browns/'>TV Open Thread: <i>Sister Wives</i> "Browns Out of Hiding!"</a> on Blogcritics.

 (I have agreed to write a brief comment on Sister Wives, Season 2 (Sunday on TLC, 9/8 Central), each week, and be available to "chat" about it for 20 to 30 minutes after the show ends on the West Coast. Join me and other viewers to discuss the show, varying forms of love, and what you think of polygamy... could you share your husband with another woman? Would you be more willing if you had another husband? What do you think of the show?)

The article from Blogcritics.org:
In the opening episode of Sister Wives, Utah polygamist Kody Brown, 40, and his four wives: Meri, 40; Janelle, 41; Christine, 38; and new bride Robyn, 32 prepare to go to New York City to be on the Today Show and to reveal their plural marriage to the world.
At the same time, the children begin a new phase of life by going to public school, mostly for the first time, and find a welcome there that gives the parents hope. Later, Kody and the kids go “ice blocking,” sliding down grassy hills on blocks of ice.
The family speaks eagerly of the new standards of tolerance and acceptance that public schools now teach; they look forward to a time when plural marriage will be accepted. The Browns hope that when people see how nice and “normal” they really are, they and their lifestyle will be accepted.
Though fearful about coming out of the closet, the family takes the plunge of doing interviews in New York: they discover the excitement and the oddity of sudden fame. On TV, verbal, outgoing Kody suddenly becomes shy and tongue-tied. He likens telling the truth about their polygamy to jumping out of a plane without knowing if the chute will open.

Despite their optimism, danger looms over the family. The police have been investigating them, and Kody may soon be charged with bigamy.
Will Meri, Janelle, Christine, Kody and Robyn find that the monogamous world outside their closed, protected circle is far less tolerant than they had dreamed? What will happen to them if Kody goes to jail? Will the women lose their children? What will happen this season on Sister Wives?
Will Kody be sorry he decided to “stand up and be different?” What do other viewers think?

Read more: http://blogcritics.org/video/article/tv-open-thread-sister-wives-browns1/#ixzz1GoRzvLk1

Sister Wives Honeymoon Special (First Published, in a slightly different form,at Blogcritics.org)

Many TV-watching Americans (and others, I’m sure) have now seen Sister Wives on TLC, a coming-out-of-the-closet reality show about life in a fundamentalist Mormon/Latter Day Saints polygamist sect.
It seems to be unusually honest, the revelation of a way of life so different from that of conventional married life that it is, I am sure, difficult for many viewers even to imagine living in this way. ("Creepy" is an adjective I've heard a good deal when discussing the show and the concept.)

My own  life has been very little like that of the Brown family. Yet, I have a different perspective on the issue of multiple relationship:  different than that of   the Browns and also quite different from that of most  "normal" monogamists.

I’ve lived in the world(s) of polygamy and polyandry in two different communities: one a place of openness, choice, and freedom, the other a quasi-Manson-like situation of the late Sixties in which women were possessions, playthings, and servants.  I have never lived in any version of Mormonism as the Browns of Sister Wives do, but all the same I can relate to the concept of "sister wives"—both the happiness and the pain of sharing one’s lover and one's whole life with other (close, sisterly) women. In this situation, one can become very close to one's sister wives (In some cases, one is close with the “other woman” before the shared man comes along). Even today I miss my friends who were also "sister wives"—some of whom are still close friends, though there were surely times when I’d have been delighted never to have to see some of them again!

The women of the Brown family seem to find themselves caught up in very similar feelings. With characteristic honesty and an openness that makes this show worth watching, the three older wives express their feelings. They both wish to include the fourth wife and resent her at the same time, not without reason.

Kody Brown, the husband, and Robyn, his fourth wife, have just been married—not only for time but, as Latter-Day Saints believe, for eternity. In this special episode—produced after the series concluded for the season, evidently in response to the curiosity of monogamists about those who live what they call “The Principle”—the two go on an 11-day honeymoon. Robyn is young, dark-haired, and attractive despite being the mother of three by an earlier marriage, and it is clear that Kody is in love with her and as excited as a teenage boy about being alone with his present love.

She seems to understand how the other women feel, but is not really willing to alter her experience of love and marriage in order to placate them. She does, however, urge Kody to call home, to express his affection for his other wives, and to be sure to really experience that affection. I thought it was sensible and endearing of her to do so!

Kody and Robyn seem to enjoy their freedom (no kids to look after). They rent a honeymoon apartment, surf, swim, and look happy and carefree. Meanwhile, back at the ranch -- an ingeniously designed three-apartment house in which Kody spends a rotating cycle of nights with each of his wives--the  other wives, Meri, Janelle, and Christine, watch the children and talk about their fears and resentments as well as their desire to accept Robyn. They want to create a whole entity out of the various elements of the extended family.Towards the end of the show, their wish to include her and accept the change in their lives becomes far more pronounced, at least for the moment.
One has to admire the three older women, who pull no punches about their feelings. Each has been married to Kody for many years, and it is clear that they feel hurt, jealous, and abandoned. They talk about the brief honeymoons they had, and the simplicity of their weddings. They seem to realize they are not as societally attractive as Robyn, yet each has a certain rare beauty, the beauty of women who like other women and share their lives together in a way that is helpful to each and, unfortunately, too little known by women who live in a one-woman-one-man relationship.

While they do deeply believe that the inclusion of other women is a religious act-- a way to make the love they feel for one another and their husband greater and open the doors of heaven to them all-- they are also  clearly upset and jealous in an earthly sense. Second wife Janelle puts it bluntly. “I perceive any time he spends with her as cutting into our time. It’s the fact that he’s focused somewhere else for 11 days, and on one particular person for 11 days. That’s frustrating me.” Janelle, a strong-looking, earthy woman, explains that her relationship with Kody has never been “romantic,” rather the closeness of fond friends. (Still, they have many children, including a newborn!) Yet, an 11-day honeymoon is taking too much away from the family, she feels.

Meri, Janelle, and Christine, it seems, never had as much time alone with Kody as Robyn. I remember well the sense that a period of ten or eleven days made a relationship seem like a singular and special one. In one communal situation in which I lived, the “Ten-Day Marriage” was popular for a time—a way of getting to have a sort of mini-monogamy with someone to whom one was deeply attracted. By spending ten or so nights together, it was possible to more deeply explore the quality and potential of the relationship—or conversely, to become tired of the person with whom one had so desired those ten days. Though this wasn't always the case by any means, sometimes it was thought a way to “run out,” get over, a particular relationship.

I found myself wondering if the other wives could be a little afraid to complain to Kody (or to Robyn). To say they don't like having her around would be not only anti-Principle and unwelcoming.  but has the potential to very quickly drive Kody further away from them. Still, it is clear they  feel they are uncertain how they will get back to a more reasoned, more fully shared life. Will each of them feel as though Kody (of whom one person I know said, "What a jackass"), would really rather be with Robyn than with any of them when their new life settles down to business as usual?
There is no question that multiplicity has its place in nature. In one amusing passage, Kody and Robyn visit the San Diego Zoo, where a sincere tour guide shows them a group of rhinos, and explains earnestly that three or so females will “hang out together,” and will only find a use for the male when the time comes to mate. Robyn and Kody look both justified and barely able to contain themselves, overwhelmed with laughter.

As the Brown family has put itself in a difficult position by appearing in this show—I have read that they are under investigation for bigamy—I cannot help but wonder what made them wish to expose themselves in this way. The desire for 15 minutes of fame? Possibly money to help keep their enormous family fed and housed?

I see in Kody Brown’s eyes a kind of zealous stare to which I am not a stranger. Perhaps he—and I am not saying that he doesn’t believe in every aspect of his religion—feels a publicity-hound drive to display his family's life to the public, a drive which clearly the wives share, to one extent or another.
Possibly they believe that by doing this, they will be able to alter the state of polygamous families, to bring on a lawsuit that will validate their lifestyle. And--as Rosa Parks could attest-- sometimes this kind of action does bring on change.

One more word: I constantly felt, watching Sister Wives, that the three other wives, despite Kody’s hopped-up, hyper assurance that he loves them, are very insecure. They talk a great deal about the time they will spend with him, the substance of their own personal relationship with him. But is more than a little like having a relationship with Jesus (in that he's not around in the flesh all that much)?  Is the reality of a marriage with him still a reality?
The reality of marriage to many men can be, unavoidably, that youth and beauty are the bottom line of romance. Does Kody Brown love his other wives still as lovers, or more as security-figures, mothers of his children? (I appreciate and admire  that the Browns say that their  children have the right to do whatever they want when they grow up, and not to be forced to marry anyone they don’t wish to marry. This makes their life-style a lot more palatable, certainly to me.)

Do the other wives feel--they  seem to, especially Meri-- that their relationship with him is not the same as his relationship with Robyn? Meri, wife #1, tells him bluntly over the phone that they are unhappy with the long honeymoon and the entire situation.
Kody wants Robyn to have the experience of being with him alone; he wants to be with her alone, too—and he seems to believe that the tension surrounding his marriage to Robyn is normal, an unavoidable transition that comes with taking a new wife. And perhaps this is true. They probably do need some time alone together.

I cannot help but feel that real love should include everyone in the relationship, no matter how many that relationship contains. Do Kody’s wives even have a choice about what he does? Could any of them say, “We can’t handle another wife?” It’s unclear what the story is, though Meri apparently suggested Robyn to Kody as a possible fourth wife. The group of Browns has spoken of the marriage as being a “democracy,” but is it really? (I hope so.)

They come to the conclusion that Robyn needed 11 days‘ honeymoon and that it is “selfish” of them to have wanted him not to spend so much time with Robyn, but the situation still feels tense. The other wives say they understand that Robyn “needed” the 11-day honeymoon…yet it must seem to some of them, at least, that she got much more than any of them did (none had what might call a lavish honeymoon).

One hopes that all the wives feel they are getting what they need from this relationship. Robyn urges him to make sure he loves all his wives—that this gives her a sense that he will always love her. I can understand loving more than one person; and I am sure that the love they all have for one another is real. If only the women could have other husbands: and why not? (At one point during the series, Meri, whose 20th anniversary with Kody it is, speaks of her loneliness and jealousy. She says, in essence, “How would you like it if there were another man?” Kody blows up and says that the idea of her another husband is “vulgar.”) Due to their religious beliefs, they won’t have other men in their lives. The best hope one may have for the family is that all of the Browns will be able to blend and support one another. Love conquers all!


Is it interesting? Yes—at least for some, certainly for me. I want to know more about this story, and will go on viewing the show if it renews for another season—despite my husband’s saying “How can you watch that stuff?” (Yes, I have only one husband. I watch a lot of stuff, including Say Yes to the Dress and, my favorite three shows, House, MD, Mad Men, and In Treatment.

I look forward to seeing how things develop in this universe, the world of real, honest-to-goodness Big Love. I am very well aware that I am writing here about real people who have a life together, children who are brothers and sisters, and thoughts and feelings. Their story is fascinating, and I wish them well…and hope, to be sure, that for their kids' sake, they avoid trouble with the law for having been so honest about the truth of their lifestyle.

Sister Wives Honeymoon Special aired Sun., November 21, 2010 on TLC